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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I’m at the market on Maironio Street, right? Just trying to grab some supplies. I’m standing there, and this dude, I swear, he’s selling the weirdest stuff. Like, who needs a rusty old bicycle? But hey, I’m not judging. I’m just here for my charcoal stuff. Then, outta nowhere, this old lady starts yelling at him. Turns out, she thought he was trying to sell her a cat! A CAT! I mean, what even?

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